I have crippling depression and through this article I want to share my experience with you. This is more like getting lost in terrific woods being unconscious. It’s horrible and disturbing still you don’t want to move out of it. In fact one just doesn’t know what to do and how to do. They be lost in overthinking all the time lying in bed or being at one place as dead for long hours. I used to spend my half of the time throughout a day looking at my celling fan, counting it revolution unnecessarily and then diverting to the nightmare thoughts of my life. I just didn’t feel like myself some days or other days just passed like a repeat telecast of same room scene. I couldn’t find any solid reason for feeling so sad and depressed. There was a mixed feeling from every bad past experience and I just felt to keep crying most of the times.
I have crippling depression after I lost my lovely best friend who was more than just friend to me. I used to share my every good or bad story with him. He used to be always there for me. No matter what, we had overcome many tough times together since I left my parents home. New city , new life was so difficult to adjust with office work pressure and daily schedule without his help. I had also developed affection for him but suddenly he lost his life in a car accident. I couldn’t get over the trauma and get into deep depression. Every time I used to do something, the moments with him used to conquer my present. In those times, I noted some key symptoms to know that one has gone in deep stage of depression.
I always used to feel low esteem whether in work or home. The continuous disappointed and sad vibes started affected my work too. There was no hope for that previous glow back in my life. Though I used to be a very calm natured person but in those times there was continuous irritation and I used to get angry at very small matters really fast. Whereas some other days , I used to keep mum and used to give really poor response in meetings and conferences. I used to rest whole days still the feeling of restlessness didn’t leave me. I agitated most of the times when I have crippling depression.
I used to be very social before though I didn’t prefer loud noises and parties but was quite interested in trips and vacations. My friends tried to support me as much as possible but I just felt more annoyed and wanted to live alone. I kept distance from partying and all. I once joined in a concert though the singer was good but I seemed diverted there too.
The sleep habits also changed a lot. I maintained eight hours sleep most of the days except weekends. In depression the sleep habits just got tangled. Sometimes I used to feel really tired without doing any work yet couldn’t sleep. Whereas sometimes used to sleep a lot due to hypertension. When I have crippling depression, started consuming a lot of junk food too because of continuous laziness. I didn’t cook much at home and mostly ordered online. This resulted in fatigue and I gained much weight too. Lying all day in bed, skipping office days and work could give you what else than weight gain. I thought of going for a walk one day but couldn’t wake up and do it. This had started being my daily routine since then. I seemed to sink more and more in this loophole.
I didn’t thought of suicide unless I got fired from the job due to continuous ill performance and arrogant behaviour. I thought of going back to my parents but couldn’t make up my mind. I thought so many steps but couldn’t stand still with any decision.
Some more pronounced causes
When I have crippling depression, many people used to help me with advice and some used to tell me other such stories.
They told me about people who got into depression and started consuming a lot of alcohol to feel relaxed. In earlier days, that seemed a very good option but gradually they got involved in drugs too and the addiction began to multiply. This lead those to a critical stage and some also end up in rehabilitation centres. Though I had no intention of drugs or alcohol but I didn’t mind to people telling me stories especially when I am not listening.
Some other people were told to be prone to depressive features because of their personality. Some advised me to get a health check-up done as patients of diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, heart disease or Alzheimer’s disease show such depressive symptoms too. I knew that my case is not that as I haven’t been in any medication yet but I thought to use Antidepressants. This was easily available in nearby drug stores and didn’t cost much too. I desperately wanted to be normal like before and start my life again happily but just that I wasn’t able to do so.
I knew antidepressants pills have side effects like fatigue, diarrhoea, nausea, blurred vision, constipation etc. Antidepressant pills have proved ineffective 60-70% times still I wanted to try my luck. This resulted in more disturbed sleeping patterns and weight gain. Finally I decided to see a doctor for the treatment as I knew I have crippling depression.
I have crippling depression in major level when I went for check up due to forceful attempts from one of my friend. The doctor explained that the very early treatment for the patients exhibiting such symptoms of major depressive disorder remains psychotherapy with the combination of antidepressant drug therapy.
Psychotherapy was the method used by doctors to reach out to the cause of the depression. During the session, the therapist will examine the situation of the patient and guide toward the new methods of perceiving those issues and create the emotional balance.
I was ready for the therapy but wasn’t sure of medication still I accepted to go for it. The sessions continued along with medication and I eventually told my parents one day about the situation too. I started feeling little bit positive forcefully but both the therapist and me knew very well that I still have pain to accept the reality that life had been really harsh with me.
After few months of medication, I started feeling more arrogant due to side effects and my eating habits got worsened. I decided to go back to my parents. The therapist suggested me to not overthink otherwise situation will become worse. If the level got up to dysthymia, the only option left for the treatment will be TMS or mental hospital.
TMS Treatment can reduce the symptoms associated with the various forms of depression when antidepressant pills fail to do so.
This method work by stimulating the lazy mood regulation functions of the brain as well as other important brain functions. This was not any surgical procedure or ingestion. One will have to attend sessions and there a coil will be placed over the scalp of the patient. This will be positioned to deliver the magnetic pulses to the limbic region of left brain.
This could energise the lazy neurotransmitters. My parents were ready for the treatment but I was not. I forced them to believe them I was fine and can start my life again normally. The symptoms were killing me inside. I was still not able to think of something different than him. I accepted the truth but couldn’t digest it. This was also leading to some other serious health issues.
I got to know about the benefit of sound therapy from anonymous and thought of involving in it. This was neither drugs nor machines.
Sound therapists believe that our body is made up of different energy frequencies. Thus they use sound frequencies to interact with them to create a balance again in the energies flowing in the body.
Sound therapy is basically the use of aspects of music to heal the distortion in brain and improve ones physical and mental health. The patient take part in different activities along with the sound experiment. Music therapy involves listening to music.
There were many favourite songs of mine before I have crippling depression but then I stopped listening to them as I didn’t like them anymore. They used to make me sadder and sometimes I start to cry after listening to them. The therapist said to me, “ When we are sad and depressed, our mind tends to focus on the lyrics more. In such conditions, we feel the words harder and get hurt more badly. So one should go for songs in other languages with their choice music preference.”
Nordoff – Robbins method
They had a group of people contributing for the treatment of the patient. Music therapy is provided by a credential administration who learnt well to assess the individual’s needs. Treatment involves creating, listening, singing or moving to music. This sound healing therapy was given via those skilled musicians who completed a master’s programme for it. They use some familiar music to patients or create a new one together and sometimes work toward a performance.
There were many musical instrument players who used to play really soothing music that made me feel calm and to sleep down there on the ground lying in the grass bed. The food habits were also taken care of very well. Our phones were collected very initially and were allowed to take and dial urgent calls only. The strong discipline, nutritional food and daily exercise helped in putting the sleep hours back on track. When I have crippling depression insomnia was a big challenge to deal with.
In this method a metal tuning fork is hit on a hard substance to produce sounds of different frequencies. Tuning fork method applies different vibration to different parts of the body. This can help release the tension and worry that eats a person from inside and affect their daily lifestyle to shatter them apart. I understand very well as I have crippling depression. It is supposed to work as the process and system of acupuncture. Here they use sound frequencies to point at parts of body for stimulation rather than needles. This is supposed to create emotional balance too. Some research even suggested that this can help in treating the muscle and bone pain too.
Brainwave entrainment process
In this process some intensive and effective pulsing sounds were used to stimulate the brain’s functionality. This encouraged my brain to align with the frequency and I felt to move a little with the beat too. This was the time when I felt that this is helpful to me. This can cure me and I must enthusiastically participate in all these curriculum activities. I desperately wanted to see the old me back again. This therapy was supposed to enhance focus, stable the state of mind and give relaxation. Indeed it does that very well. I was feeling normal and started enjoying the process. From next day I used to be ready according to the schedule myself.
We were involved in guided meditation with voiced instructions. It also involved chanting of mantras and prayers. Meditation is proved to reduce stress, pain and blood pressure and it also improves memory along with immunity.
Only ten minutes meditation can help in rise of self-esteem and awareness a lot. This was an age old ancient method followed by Indians along with yoga. This is supposed to be the key element for embraced successful balanced life.
It makes us calm, focus and attentive. When we meditate , our concentration is only on taking breath in and out and also do a body scan. We also chant mantra to avoid us from being diverted. In this time we train our mind to think according to surround and not divert into unnecessary topics. Once you learn to control your mind , there is nothing impossible.
Q.1 where did you get the idea of sound therapy?
Answer – I got the suggestion from a relative. You can also find suggestions on web.
Q.2 how long did you take to recover?
Answer – Almost one year.